Would it be dramatic to say that the International TCK Conference in Thailand last year changed my life? Perhaps. But as you well know, I tend to be a dramatic person and in this case it certainly feels true. I met and reconnected with amazing people, I joined a morning writing group, and I learned the impact of PCEs (Positive Childhood Experiences) on third culture kids and how Kaleidoscope is already providing some of that integral support.
It’s been three years since I’ve been on an airplane out of the United States. Four years in fact since I had been to this exact city and conference center. Suan Bua just outside of Chaing Mai is a favorite spot for NGO organizations and other expats to gather for conferences. Up to 2019, a team of Kaleidoscope volunteers, myself often included, were there at least once a year. I knew the winding road that the songtao (red pickup trucks converted to taxis) would take from the airport up to the mountain hotel. I knew about the thai tea you can buy across the street (dark orange, overly sweet, and the life-source for many long conference days). I knew the room I’d be staying in and how to trick the AC to stay on longer. I didn’t know what to expect from the first ever International TCK Conference.
The event was hosted by people and organizations I was familiar with, many who I considered colleagues and friends but hadn’t heard from since coming out a few years ago. It was advertised as an intentional gathering of diverse TCKs, but it wasn’t clear what their definition of diverse was. It’s an unfortunate reality that the Christian and mission’s world often doesn’t include queer TCKs or LGBTQ+ affirming organizations on their approved list. As my ride bumped up the mountain road, it wasn’t just the twists and turns that made my stomach clench. I was so nervous.
It had been three years since I’d been on an airplane out of the United States. Three years since attending a TCK conference of any kind. Three years since publicly establishing Kaleidoscope as a safe place for LGBTQ+ TCKs. Three years since coming out myself. I was very close to making the decision to just stay home. But two weeks before the conference there was something in my gut that tugged me towards clicking “register” and purchasing a plane ticket.
“I didn’t know you were coming! I’m so glad you’re here!” Michael Pollack, co-author of The TCK Book and part of the conference leadership team was one of the first people I saw upon arrival and he welcomed me with a huge grin and tight hug. It took approximately 30 minutes of being swallowed up in the chatter, laughter, and enthusiastic greetings by so many people who only know each other online to be reminded exactly how much I love the third culture kid community.
There were three significant highlights from those four days in Thailand. First and foremost, the people. I got to reconnect and have some significant relationship-mending conversations with many people I’ve known and worked with before. I was reminded that hurt and miscommunication goes both ways and that some of the loneliness I had been feeling over the last few years came from my own fears and rapidly constructed walls of self-protection. I also met even more folks who said, “Kaleidoscope? What’s that?” which I loved hearing because it reminded me how often I think of the TCK world as a small bubble when in actuality it’s quite large and the opportunity for growth and impacting new kids is endless.
Secondly, every morning I joined a writing group. A prompt was given, we spent 30 minutes writing and then had the chance to share our work. This was so fun!! And I received so much encouragement from my fellow writers to actually write the book that’s been sitting in drafts for years. I don’t know what 2024 is going to look like yet, but I would love for that to be part of it.
Last but hardly least, on the final day of the conference, I attended a workshop led by Tanya Crossman on some of the research being done by TCK Training around Adverse and Positive Childhood experiences. These are scoring systems widely recognized by medical and psychological professionals to determine childhood factors in healthy and not-so-healthy adults. It’s important to note that these have long term physical health impacts, not just emotional or mental health (which are all equally important!) Their research shows that third culture kids do tend to have higher ACE scores, in this case a lower score is the goal, but-- and here’s where it gets exciting for me, “having 6 to 7 PCEs reduced adulthood mental illness by 72% for those who had high ACE scores.” PCEs or measurable Positive Childhood Experiences include belonging, feeling heard, and having supportive non-parental adult relationships, to name a few. These are all things we provide for third culture kids through TCK Club! My gut instinct and the anecdotes we’ve heard about the value of “just” hanging out and having fun during our online clubs is actually backed up by research!
As I got on my return flight to the U.S., I was absolutely buzzing. I could hardly believe my luck when I got a full row to myself on not just one but BOTH long flights home. My highly extroverted self was both exhausted and energized in a way I hadn’t felt in literal years and I couldn’t even enjoy the three-seat blessing fully because I stayed up journaling conference memories, brainstorming for the future and trying to put into words how grateful and reverent I felt.
I’m still not sure this adequately expresses the seeds planted at ITCKC, for me personally, Kaleidoscope, and the greater third culture kid community. It was genuinely a diverse group of people, gathering in a way I hadn’t seen before. I was struck by how many TCK events I’ve been to before where I was the youngest of mostly retired white women representing the mission's member-care sector. I’m a back row kind of girl at large events and sitting there the first evening, looking over 200+ heads I was so delighted (and if I’m totally honest, surprised) to see how colorful, multi-national and generational this crowd was. It was the beginning of something fresh and magical and I am so honored to have been part of it.