Parent C
hronicles
RESOURCES, TOOLS, AND COMMUNITY FOR PARENTS OF THIRD CULTURE KIDS
(So you can be confident you're not screwing them up!)
I still remember our “special” coffee shop. In the suffocating dry-season heat that settled over Gulu, Uganda like a wool blanket, Coffee Hut was a bit of western bliss. When my mom would spontaneously spring me with “wanna get some coffee?” only one thing excited me more than the chance to sit in the frigid air conditioning for an hour: the one-on-one time I got to share with her. Sipping on vanilla coffee shakes, my mom and I would chat. Sometimes about nothing (“The power went out again,” “Your brother found another snake in the trash pit,” “I scored some cheap mangoes in the market”), and sometimes about everything (“School is stressing me out,” “I feel like I don’t have any friends,” “I miss Missouri”). I laughed ‘til I snorted coffee shake out my nose in that shop, and I snot-cried and wiped my tears with a chocolate-stained napkin. Through one of the most turbulent, incredible, adventurous, gut-wrenching periods of my childhood, coffee dates at Coffee Hut began to feel like home.
Why am I telling you this? Because it might be time for a coffee date with your teen TCK. David C. Pollock’s helpful resource “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds” shares one TCK’s value of deep conversations with their loved ones, because the uncertainty of outside relationships necessitates it:
“Multiple separations tended to cause me to develop deeper relationships more quickly...When I was with my family or friends, we tended to talk about things that matter spiritually, emotionally, and so on. I still become impatient with superficiality.”
Your TCK wants deep connection! And most likely, they want it with you. Trust me, they have a lot of feelings and even more to say; they just need someone to ask the right questions. Need some ideas? Here are 5 connection-creating questions to ask your teen TCK next time you go out together:
How are your friendships, both here and long-distance? Who do you feel closest to right now?
What’s one thing that’s exciting you about life right now?
What’s one thing that’s difficult for you right now?
Are you missing anything or anyone?
Is there anything I can do to help?
If you haven’t had the chance to do a “story time” with your teen TCK (covered in our previous installments of The Parent Chronicles), a coffee date would also be a great environment to do so! Find your own Coffee Hut and make some special memories.