I’m a bit of a self-proclaimed expert on the long distance relationship. And probably not just the kind you’re thinking of, either. Relationships with family, coworkers, friends, and even frenemies (jk) from elementary to college and beyond have all spanned great distances. Most people in our increasingly globalizing world face the fact that at one point or another their relationships are going to be Long Distance. 

It really pains me when I hear people express a need to write off relationships just because of distance. I’m here to tell you today that you don’t have to stop loving someone just because they happen to be thousands of miles away at the moment--or the last 10 years of moments. The majority of people I love live 60 to 6,000 miles away from me. But we still love each other! And we’re not about to stop. Here are my top tips on “making it work.” {Disclaimer: these are for platonic relationships!! Don’t try this at home with former flames.}

1. Give it some time. In fact, give it all the time. Just because a certain amount of time has gone by since either of you initiated contact doesn’t mean that it’s ever too late to reconnect.

2. Swallow your pride. Again, don’t worry about the “last time” you talked. Maybe one of you even unfollowed the other. People do stupid things on the internet, and people do stupid things in relationships. Just like #IRL, you can always find a way to move forward together if you both want to. 

3. Don’t forget to drop in. Always take the time to tell someone you’re in their town! (If you want to.) Taking the train for an hour and a half just to grab brunch with an old friend always turns out to be very rewarding, in my experience.

4. Use the socials to your advantage. Social media is making the world a terrible place. However, its one redeeming quality is that it lets you remember what your long distance peeps look like! Plus, you’ll know that they got a new puppy even if you haven’t talked to them in months. You’ll feel like you’re still in each other’s lives, and you’ll have something to talk about next time you Zoom! 

5. Use what works for you. Almost every app on my phone serves the express purpose of talking to individuals who live far away from me. Whatever feels most natural for your communication style, go for it! Messenger, text, FaceTime, Voxer, Snapchat, Hangouts, Marco Polo, Instagram–you name it, I’ve used it to force people to talk to me.

6. Be flexible. Scheduling is a nightmare even without the added hassle of time differences. So if someone blows you off for a cyber date, forgets which zone you live in, or just stands you up for something better to go to, try to hold on to a little bit of perspective and remember that this relationship is a virtual one, and everyone has real-life things going on, too.

7. Seriously, be flexible. I can’t stress that enough.

8. Get creative. Besides just talking on the phone for three and a half hours, do something together virtually. Watch a movie, play a game, do a craft, chat on the train to work, what have you. 

9. Know that everyone is different. There’s no pattern or formula for a successful long-distance relationship. Some of my friends don’t talk to me for 10 months at a time and then show up to surprise me on my birthday. Some live halfway around the world, and when we talk, we make it count. Some I get to see almost every month when I force myself into their lives. Some people live down the street, and we still communicate primarily through a screen.

10. The downside of long distance is that it’s sad a lot of the time. The upside is, there are almost no rules! You get to write your own.

The bottom line is, where there’s a will, there’s a way. And the second bottom line (ever heard of social enterprise??) is: make long distance work for you, not the other way around. You’re not required to maintain a healthy, long-term, long-distance relationship with everyone you’ve ever known, but if you miss them, there’s a solid chance they miss you, too. Finding ways to stay together in spirit can be the bonding experience of a lifetime and end up bringing you closer than ever–even when you’re miles (or just minutes) apart.

P.S. Are you looking for some meaningful long-distance connection for your TCKs? Online TCK Club will help your kids build ongoing friendship (even in the midst of transition) and get consistent debriefing through fun and creative activities with peers and leaders who have shared experiences. Curious? Click here!