The fall is when so many exciting things are happening—new school years, new seasons, new opportunities to join your friends in the launch of their ministries. So it seems to be a period of exciting anniversaries both in and around Kaleidoscope.
When Jessi first asked me to "partner" with her (see my blog post in which I unpack this word and our relationship a bit on our anniversary), I of course had all of the normal hesitations around commitment that I always do. One of my favorite fallbacks, though, was something I'd been saying since my sophomore year in college: that I never want to work in ministry. I find it ironic when people make sweeping life decisions that seem to be directly based in bitterness—and I have totally done it as well, clearly.
Ministry never came right out and straight up hurt me. I just found it humiliating, problematic, and a touch hypocritical. That's all. Meanwhile, this particular experience in ministry, however unintentional, accidental, and noncommittal it has been, has proven to be the most drastically grace-filled and exhilarating kind of experience I could have asked for from a "job". And I don't mean just grace filled because I'm here (ahem HAAIIIII *shouts to everyone who's ever asked me to say grace before a meal*). And I also don't mean grace-filled in the sense that grace is a dirty word that we resort to when we mess up and then need something feel-good to patch it up and remind us that we can't actually do everything ourselves. I mean grace-filled in that every single thing that I and we have accomplished has been in tandem step with other human beings who go out of their ways to keep us on this path.
We're still in the middle of all of this. Of course, I think that's the reality for any group of people who recognize the journey they are on in service of others and the future. We haven't arrived at anything other than a few goals here and there that in hindsight seem too small anyway—oh, and the fact that we are still alive (both personally and organizationally), which I celebrate daily. And don't get me wrong, I never use the words "work in ministry" in my day-to-day life if I can help it. (Hmm, I sense another lesson in humility and bitterness beyond the horizon). Life is good and hard and sweet and sour in this line of work, but I'm so happy I get to do it because it means I get to work with my best friend, be a part of a team of wonderful women, collaborate with crazy Kaleiders (honestly my faves) who feel like several little families, and connect with kiddos in countries that I've never been to before. A lot of things are nightmarish about this life, but it's the dream in so many more ways.
God is good and people are good, and that's the biggest grace that has allowed me to work in ministry for these last three years.