I was the troublemaker. I was the kid you didn’t want in your youth group. I was the one who parents warned their kids about. 

I loved to have fun, I would do almost anything a cute boy asked me, I was always full of new ideas and my independent streak chafed under any rule. 

I listened to Britney Spears under the covers with my door locked. I smoked hookah with my friends and chewed mouthfuls of gum while I tried to sneak home after midnight. I got my bellybutton pierced. Twice. And didn’t tell my parents for a year. My first boyfriend was four years older than me and didn’t go to church. And, I founded Kaleidoscope. 

Here’s my big spoiler: Whatever your kids are walking through or experimenting with right now, they will probably be fine. 

Please note, I don’t want to downplay the effects of trauma or turbulent mental health. If that’s your story or that of your child’s, a trained therapist could be an invaluable investment. Safe Place Ministry is a wonderful team of Jesus-loving, cross-cultural debriefers and counselors if you need a place to start. 

In a survey done by Michele Phoenix in 2015 she asked over 900 adults what their feelings are to date on being TCKs, 61% gave a resounding, “wouldn’t trade it for the world!” 

However, when asked, “what is the hardest part?” almost 36% selected, “the expectation to be perfect or at least better than others”. This was the second largest response group (proceeded by 39% who said the “feeling of not belonging”). 

How do we close the gap between those two feelings? How do we help TCK leverage their powerful world views and use their unique voice against the pressures of warring cultural expectations, sending churches, government agencies and our own images of identity? 

A week from today I’m spending an hour on ZOOM (November 13, 10AM EST) to share 3 Steps to Creating Safe Spaces with your Kids--basically the cheat sheet my parents wished they had when we were teenagers. 

Want to join me? I wish I could invite you to a good ol’ potluck with plenty of bottles of wine and a table full of rambunctious conversation but for now throw some sweatpants on, grab your drink of preference, pull up a chair to our first online workshop. Just click to RSVP.

Listen, I’m not saying don’t worry. 

I’m just saying, I have 3 brothers. And they were honestly so much worse than me. More trouble. More drugs. More girls. Despite or because of all my mother’s worrying, fear one of them would end up in prison, and sleepless, prayer-filled nights, they are the best men I know today.

I’m just saying that despite the bumpy roads and threats of running away and too many rules, or not enough...despite being convinced our parents are going to ruin our lives--you usually don’t.

P.S. Another fun fact from the same survey is that, 81% of polled TCKs engage in personal, Christian faith as adults, and an additional 10% had a season away from traditional church and Christianity but at the time of polling consider themselves engaged Christians. 

I don’t think this is the only measure of health we should look for but I’m guessing it’s comforting to hear. 

Want to keep the conversation going? Click here and let me know if you’ll make it to the free workshop next week. We got a seat for you. We want to hear your story too.