“How can you lead a Christian organization if you’re not confident in your own faith?”

The question rang into the silence of my soul. 

All my worst fears and doubts rushed to the surface in a wave of overwhelm. 

Am I a fraud? Should I be here? He’s right, how can I?? 

I knew all the right things to say. I knew every Bible verse and practiced response. Thank you for your prayers. 

I grew up having family Bible time every morning after breakfast. Church was a non-negotiable and skirts for my mom and myself  were mandatory. In high school I lead our small youth group, had a crush on the guitar player and proudly read aloud from my NIV Bible, True Love Waits edition. I chose a year at Youth With a Mission over traditional college where I learned how to speak in tongues and make spirit-lead decisions. 

I had my Christian card firmly in hand. I was the missionary kid poster child with a hint of rebel. I was so proud. 

I finally realized a very simple fact: the past few years were the first I had to navigate my  faith on my own. I had always been surrounded by strong Christian thought leaders of various backgrounds and theologies. This was the first time my questions met the silence of my own thoughts, the first time a habit of church became an intentional choice. 

I don’t have it all figured out. 

Specifically when it comes to God and faith and ministry. 

And I think that’s okay. 

Paul says, when I was a child, I thought like a child, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.” And then the child-like faith goes under a transformation. Or as some call it, deconstruction. 

This is good and right and vital. Especially when you’re a third culture kid who grew up in missions communities and your sense of self, belonging and theology of grief are all wrapped up in the important work of faith deconstruction and hope of reconstruction. 

I’m wrestling with these questions personally and publically and I want to invite you into the conversation. On November 20th we’re launching our first full length webinar, Faith and Your TCK; from now through the 19th we’re offering you, parents raising kids right in the middle of it all, an exclusive pre-order deal. Use code TCKPARENTS20 to get 20% off the $59 video series full of information and interactive worksheets to start meaningful conversations around messy faith.