When Rylee Beck asked me to write a post for my birthday my immediate thought was, "Absolutely, no way! Birthdays are when YOU write all the nice things about me, remember? Do I have to do everything around here?!" 

Yikes. 

Sometimes it's hard to figure out where I end and Kaleidoscope begins. Sometimes I love that and it makes me feel so proud! Sometimes I wish I was more certain we could both exist without the other. But as we grow up side by side, in a blurry space of co-dependence I can’t imagine a life without this community, team and dream turned reality. 

Without Kaleidoscope I never would have found the delight of 5am quiet + candles before a busy day of kids + Kaleiders. I never would have navigated the miraculous, messy spaces where work tensions + best friendships meet. I’m not sure I would have learned to recognize my own value and release those who don’t see the same. Kaleidoscope continues to build my patience muscles, always challenges me to color outside the lines and occasionally reminds me this is not actually The Jessi Show. Like today ;) 

As we turn 6 and 32, respectively, it’s starting to become easier to catch a glimpse of who we’ll be as we grow more confident as our individual selves. We’ve swapped my love for glitter and crafts, stretching into places of teaching and equipping. My team needs me less and less, often actually doing even better without my input. As I feel less urgently needed I get to remember the dim corner of my heart that beats for hospitality and beautiful spaces and some new dreams are kindled. In the flash of wishes and blown out candles I see a snap of the Kaleidoscope that grows faster than me, needing another hand at the wheel, I can just make out myself wrapped up in the cozy embrace of an identity that doesn’t have anything to do with TCKs or conferences but for now, and for as long as you’ll have me, I love growing up side by side with you. 

This year there's no birthday fundraiser or last minute deadline to stay up all night for. (And everyone said amen.) Today, I'm celebrating by turning off my phone after our weekly Core Team meeting and getting a massage. Next week I'm celebrating by stepping into unknown (read: cold sweats, knees shaking, terrifying) territory and teaching our first LIVE online workshop for those who love TCKs even more than we do. If that doesn't feel like growing up I don't know what does. P.S. It's free. So sign up and learn the 3 easiest steps to create safe spaces. Happy birthday to me.